Y'know...my mom has been a lot of things to me over the years. Firstly, a source of comfort, solace, security, well-being, and purpose. Secondly, a hell-cat with a switch and a blind determination to bestow the correct and proper socially acceptable behavior on her offspring so's they could become productive members of society.
Thirdly, an individual in her own right that refuses to knuckle under to the fact that she ain't no spring chicken anymore...
What do I think? I think she scares the crap out of me sometimes. But I know how she is...and there is no changing that.
I have been in awe of my Mom as long as I can remember. She has taught me about love, disipline, ethics, honor and loyalty, among many other things.
I had thought I had learned it all 'til she decided to fling herself out of an airplane at the age of seventy-nine. Now I know about, well, guts...she has that in spades...
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Insane woman says, "I don't need no stinkin' 'chute!" |
The jump partner. Mom says, "Ever heard of Duke Ellington?" "Isn't he with 'N Sync?" |
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"Yeah, you're cute but quit bullshitting me." |
"I like the Sony PlayStation way better than the XBox. Oh, hey, don't you think the Olson Twins are rad?" |
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| "I'm packing a peanut-butter and jelly samwich...you want one?" |
"It's not funny. I was born without shins." |
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| Brother Jerry says, "Ma, that extra room in the back is in case you poop yerself." |
"Lord, if I die today, please let me land on the joker who put this stupid helmet on me." |
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| "Hey, sweetie, wait 'til you hit eighty. Hope yer still smiling." |
Mom doing her impersonation of Rodney Dangerfield in a strait-jacket. "So I look like a sperm-cell, Jeez, I don't get no respect!"
(That thing in the back is gonna come in damn handy today.)
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"Why do I have to wear these Martha Stewart oven mitts?" |
"I shall return!" (No doubt, MacArthur, just don't fall outta the boat.) |
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We're off! (I'm gonna have to kill that guy with the camera.) |
Sure, now we got another comedian...shut up, gomer... |
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| Was this made in the USA? Did you check the oil? Does it have a potty? Are we there yet? Wait! Wait a minute...I forgot to turn the oven off...be right back... |
AAAAHHHH!!!Shit!!!!! |
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"Our Father, Who Art In Heaven..." |
"Are you OK, ma'am?" "Shut up...look out for that Buick...hey, mister, the speed limit's 25 here...you can't turn there, it's a one-way...school zone, school zone! Watch out for that dog, dammit!" |
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"Ouch!?" |
"Helen, HELEN!" "Chill, Batman, s'ok...tell Captain America there that if he starts CPR I'll relieve him of his ability to produce children." |
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"See, I didn't even poop myself!" |
"Wow, cool Scooby-Doo tattoo!" |
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"Gee, Mom...there's a nose print back here..." |
"Steady as she goes, MacArthur... " |
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| Brothers Jeff and Jerry. Both as proud as son's could be after watching Mom taking a flying leap out of a perfectly good airplane. |
This is a great kid. I don't know his name but he brought my Mom back to earth from ten-thousand-feet so he is a hero in my mind. Good on you, son...(Is that Tweety Bird on his t-shirt?) |
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